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The pain

Regardless of the reasons justifications the fact remains that there is pain in the world this lack of inability to display love to another is slowly killing not only us but all about us what is it why is it that we are unable to give forgive show consideration to that other to upbuild rather than tear down to hold instead of push I feel the pain more deeply on some days more than others but always I am aware of the tears the crying the hurt the lying to ourselves before we meet or greet the other to deception that’s caused brother to hate brother and still I say in so many ways I have love for you but don’t know how to display how to make that pain go away and thus I suffer in my solitude not knowing how or what to do to make it all go away to say to another today will be the day that it all ends and our pain will be no more I we you are lost in the darkness of shifting shadows which we perceive to be the reality of it all as if a wave could tell the sea what and how to be ;s xx 

Governmental endorsement of racism to the point of promotion and enhancement of those brought to their attention for racist acts and omissions….


What could persuade a governmental department to keep accusations on file without investigation or notification that in fact accusations have been made.

What could persuade that same governmental department to entrust the career and livelihood of an individual to the person or persons whom originally made derogatory comments and accusations without proof.

What could persuade that same governmental department to award large amounts of monies in the form of contracts to a company whose main contact and contractor had been brought to that departments attention as being an untrustworthy individual whom abuses their position to further their own aims and those of their family members by the inappropriate use of funds and resources.

The department in question of that of Melton Mowbray Department for Works and Pensions.

The individual is that of Jane Meadows of Stamford…..

I’m in the process of compiling all evidence and proof for circulation upon this site which despite being copywrite protected is continually violated and used by the above mentioned individual and governmental department along with Leicestershire police, the Crown Prosecution Service, Leicestershire Probation Service, Stuart Williams of Catmose Federation and the MP for Rutland Alan Duncan.

Things are slowly coming together I’ll put the links to those racist whom are Rutland based whom have for the last eight years assured me that I shall never work again in the field of behavioural modification and the efforts including that of assaulting and allowing to be assaulted myself my possessions and my children.

Love is not a deception of heart nor mind

One does not find it in words unkind

It will not sleep with faults mere to find

To justify one’s woes

Love is not acceptance nor compromise

It never does seek a balance to refine that

Which already is

Love starts in darkness seeking a light

Love has beginnings in what was once

Only fright

Love has no ending regardless of plight

For love only knows love and will never

Fight to become something else

It is that aspect of self love that makes

One glow while others do gaze just

Wanting to know what is it that you do

I can only say it’s love don’t you know…. xx

Swept away

Do you not see the beauty

In the rain

That washing that drowning

For things never to be the same

The summer smiles as fears are

Swept away

The rivers the torrents as the

Ground opens up to say let

Me receive you as you pass

My way never to be seen again

The passing of a storm yet another

Chance to say we can start again

Everything is a dream

Everything is reality

Everything is as it is meant to be

For do you not see

The difference there be

In that there is no difference for any

To see between the living and the dying

Between laughter love and crying

For all are mere expressions you see

A feeble attempt to reveal to you and me

All that we are and can be

For there be no difference between you and

Me other than our restrictions of who we want

To be


My destruction only brought about

A new beginning another way of being

Without the anger and frustration of

Having known you in all your desire to

Conquer that which is only physicality in

All essence and trueness revealing that

Other me of spirit and light that other

Part that would put up a fight for the preservation

Of my soul of that thing that never dies and

Keeps me whole in its connection surprisingly

Even to you I fear not knowing what you will

Do when you find you have killed yourself

In all your greed and desire in stealth to steal

That which cannot be stolen and to lose that

Which cannot be re-found goodbye now for

Death does seek you not just to burry but never

To be found again in this system of things for the

Likes of you no salvation shall bring back your

Integrity for you sold your self and are dammed

Don’t you see

To be seen unheard with

So much to say

To be unable to move while

Running away from the mystery

Of it all and the wind makes the

Eyes water and sounds as if all

The world is calling your name

To be seen unheard while

Speaking what’s true to see

Disaster holding you and calling

You friend in the guise of those

That would help things mend or

So they like to say but the truth

Be known that really one day you

May have to plead for their lives

Without hesitation they have been

Stricken deaf dumb and blind the

Only sad thing I think you may find

Is that all was by choice in order to

Combine their greed with their physicality

To be seen unheard seems ridiculous to


I tried to speak to you

But just kept passing

I open my arms to be

Greeted by air

I open my heart trying

To feel your beat and

Wondered only what

Was the harm that has

Come between us what

Is this distance that fills

Every pore

I tried to speak to you

But the dead have no voice

There is no need to lie

No reason to look away

Or pretend to be shy

For all I see is your shadow

Of dreams unheard screams

As your ready to cry

For the deception is in your heart

That part of you that was there

From the start

There is no need to lie

For I know where your headed

And to death say goodbye

For it was yours from the

Beginning of the end

No need for deceit no need

Of pretence

For shadow is your only friend

As I bid you farewell no

Outstretched hand is there waiting

For you

For your lies have revealed all that

Is true and brought about your

Own end

If I could love you do you think

That I would choose to be that

Other than which I am

If I could love you do you think

That what remained could be equated

To man in all his fallacy without that notion

That perception to be self reliant and

Capable in eyes and mind

If I could love you do you think

That you could love me for would

Not there be some notion conception

Of possibility that somehow things were

Not right for you cannot have a day without

A night and thus two lovers are never to be found

For one is always flying the other running ground

With misunderstanding manipulation and confounding

Questions of that which can be for is it not our lot

To never be happy in all that is physicality for can you

Not see the signs can you not feel the struggle of the

Universe as it calls out to the dying do go don’t go

Will you forever keep trying to reach me

Full moon tonight looking

Down upon me

Full moon tonight seeing

What it can see

Are there faces in that moon

Then tell me do tell me why

Those faces I never see

Full moon tonight lighting up

The skies

Giving all the stars that chance

To say goodbye to the dreams

Of yesterday lighting up the way

For everyone to say

Full moon tonight lets us go outside

And play in its glow while darkness

Does not know its being restricted

To the smallest of small shadow

Full moon tonight

Restraint sets me free

It stops me from responding to those

Things I do see and bring pain to my heart

Does stop my soul from my body do depart

And they find some commonality one seeing

The other feeling you see

Restraint sets me free

Keeps me out of that cage of mentality

Would you confine my very all it allows

Me to stand at those times I feel small enough

To disappear from this world to be swallowed up

Like a cry in the storm of ending that second that

Moment where there is no pretending that all will

Be alright

Restrains set me free

From me xx


To have heart is not a deceptive thing

To have heart can only goodness bring

In the fading of the light

In the battle to distinguish

Wrong from right

To have heart is to feed the inclination

Of the mind

To seek that which is oft difficult to find

In the darkness of men’s souls

In that space that makes separate

What was whole

To have heart is to see the face of God

In all things dark and light

In my youth I would chop down tress

Make all kinds of thing in an attempt

To please that which was pleasing to

The eye to those things I made men

Would cry oh do make me one of these

In my youth I did not see all those things

That relied upon that tree

The birds the bees and bugs that did need

Somewhere to call their home

I did not see the wind as it did take the

Living giving breath that the tree did

Make and so I continued to be me chopping

Down every tree I did see

Now that youth has long left me I look about

And nothing do I see for all has died without

That tree that I did cut down unthinkingly

No birds to fly nor song do sing

No bees do buzz nor dive nor sting

Without that wisdom of the bee there is

No beauty in the flowers to see and thus

I may as well be blind for nothing is there

For me to find in this world that I did make

All that’s left is knowledge of that mistake

I made in my youth of cutting down those trees

If only if only I’d know that would be the end of


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