Archive for January, 2006

My heart isn’t in it!

My heart isn’t in it

This trying to be mean

I don’t want to do the

Things that I have seen


I feel I’m being forced

To do things I detest

But in reflection

I am doing my best


Not to be mean

Or nasty to others

But merely to find

Hidden things to discover


What is the purpose?

Of pushing this far

Just to see a reaction

From a distance so far


I say to myself

That one day it will stop

That I will be able

For this protection to drop


But who am I kidding

If not only me

For I look at my enemy

Who sees what I see


Until such a time

I must struggle on

To protect what is mine

If only for so long


At some point in this life

Some long distant future

My children will be able to see

That in their lives avoidance is the key


Until such a time

I continue the strife

Knowing that all children

My one day enjoy life

You are my angel


You are my angel

When I look above I see only love

I want to be where you can see

Everything including me


I aim up high to be with you

Not because I feel love for you

But to consider the things that you do

The love you have for all


Makes me want to be seven feet tall

Just to aspire to where you are

To show my love for the world

Like you to be a guiding start


With you in my life

There is no pain or strife

All things are right

Both day and night


This is what it is to be

Not mere mortal but

To exceed and achieve

A higher state of being


To love the world for what it is

To forgive those that I can not forgive

To consider those who would see me not live

A life of peace and harmony


But would rather spend time

Trying to degrade me

For these I can not pray

But I look up and hear you say


Forgive them for what they do

They are not your angel

And thus misunderstand you

For this I am glad


Without you in my life

Things would seem so bad

I can only be thankful

That I have you as my angel



Id rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not


The above two belong together. It’s a wicked title for a site and when I saw it it struck me as being familiar. So I have written something to go with it. If you have the time please visit the baby girl and cheer her up it would be a nice gesture as she seemed down.


You tell me you love me and ask me to change

That I am the best but most not remain the same

That we belong together but something must change

That we were destined for better but must modify the worst


What was it that you saw in me first?

Was it my mind, body or soul?

Either way times have changed

And now you have finished nothing of me remains


Was this love I have to ask?

Or is it that you have found another that fast

So what was I to you, a kiss, some fun and a convenient fool?

You have my heat but we know this you did steal


Not for the want of love or anything of value

But because it was there for all to see

Now that you have destroyed me and little is left

I watch you walk away and see that you have no regret


And thus I must continue with life

Knowing that each time I see you it’s a knife

Being twisted again just for the pain

Just to let me know that I was a fool once again


But still I continue with what must be done

Knowing that deep inside I am not like you

That when the time comes and the love of another

I will cherish and in them discover


The true meaning of love and consideration

Without manipulation of mind and body

That special someone who I will describe as my lover

And for this I thank you for helping me discover me.


Will you educate my children?

Four out of ten black boy’s finish school having achieved no formal qualifications. With my fourth of five on his way out I say up yours I will teach him myself. It’s about time real black men took things into their own hands and I am willing to show you the way to go. Should my baby boy of now eight be in the same position I will be in the position to ensure that he achieves more than he could at school. By the time our boy’s reach the age of 11 or 12 it would seem that schools change from treating them as children and impose upon them impossible expectations and unrealistic targets in the face of adversity. Childhood for these young boys’s finishes when they leave primary school and as such due to there learning styles and generalisations from those within the teaching profession it would seem that they have great difficulties in complying with formal styles of learning. Having qualified as a FE lecturer I have learnt to cater for five learning styles, but yet on my many visit’ to both primary and secondary schools I have only every seen a maximum of two in operation at any one time. It is time to step forward and take control of our children’s education and in order to do this we must address the pressing needs within the black community for the adults to become educated to a standard that goes beyond that of what is so apparently obvious. As a community and a people we need to look to see where our children will be in the future and what role they will play in our fast developing society. I have met and taught children who were regarded as being un-teachable and it has been my experience that these young people have so much to offer a system that has written them off before they reach the age of 15. The inventiveness and ability to learn within these young people has been such that I have found it a pleasure and encouragement for my own continual development that they are able to both challenge and inform my own learning. We spend so much time considering what is happening in other parts of the world that I sometimes wonder if some individuals go around with their eyes and ears closed. I know individuals who teach in other countries and can lecture you on the need of others for education but bring them home and they have nothing to say. I would ask where you are running too? Does it make you feel better to deal with black children in Africa then it does in Brixton or Nottingham, Manchester or Birmingham to mention only a few. Wake up, wise up and get yourselves into gear. There are more than enough children here that require you support so stand straight and hold your space there are a few here that will support you in your actions. Don’t just talk the talk learn to walk the walk as well.

Many a conversation

Many a conversation


Many a conversation is about relationships

Who are you involved with now

Who is that in your photo?

What do you mean by that?

Individual interpretation and misunderstandings

Are about the inability of some to distinguish

What is actually being said from what we want to hear

What we hear in our heads and the lack of other signals

In physical interactions we listen to the word

And look for the corresponding body actions

It has been nice chatting with you

Is this the same as it has been nice chatting with you

Plus a smile and a handshake or kiss on the cheek

Without such signals what is our interpretation

The written word is without attachment

And thus is interpreted upon our emotional state of being

And at that time what are we being other than cyber active

Along with technology comes new learning

And understanding of what it is to be cyber in our lives

Thus the barrier of time and travel has once again been

Overcome for the benefit and manipulation of human beings

Again we are left with the notion of superiority in relation

To our environment which we have still yet to understand

And from which we shelter on a daily basis as we live and learn

And to this end we are once again safe to explore the inner space

Would you rather I lie to you and show a perfect face

Would you rather I lie to you and present such an image in space

Would you rather I lie to you and pretend that I am not me

Would you rather I lie to you so you can pretend to see


I would rather tell the truth and be who I can be

I would rather tell the truth which is often hard to see

I would rather tell the truth and live with the hate and lies

I would rather tell the truth and look into your eyes

This is an opportunity to tell me something:

1.     about yourself

2.     about myself

3.     an insight into life

4.     an experience

5.     an idea

What is an addiction of body or mind?

If not attempts for another to find

A better state of being a kinder state to be

Or merely escapism from what we all see


Ask yourself questions along these lines

When you return are there new things to find

Or mere recollections of where you have been

And distorted images of what you have seen


Based on these insights what can be done?

To change the things that are no longer fun

Wonder and look at the things that must be

And consider your addiction

As stopping you from being free


Drugs (prescribed or otherwise)





Compulsive disorders

Personality disorders

Mental disorders

Why is it that sometimes I see?

When I look at you a reflection of me

Is it that I don’t know who I am?

Maybe it’s just that you to are man


When the time comes and we all turn to dust

Who will know that in our life there was fuss?

Not of the nature that makes us great men

But of the kind that say’s let’s try again


So heed this warning for one and for all

Make this your stand and try not to fall

Into that pit from which there is no release

For once you we gone may we all rest in peace

In the depths of despair we try our best

What others may do we sometimes contest

Why are they angry with things that we do?

Why are the willing to criticize even you

Could it be that they are lost

And the concept of respect they know the cost

Every person deserves to live

What would it take for you to give?

A little time and consideration

Could mend a heart or save a nation


For those of you I have met who like free arguments, others may call you haters but I understand that you are seeking what you do not know.


Why are you here?

Why are you here


I have not asked you to do anything for me


I am beyond the concept of happiness


you see this is an elusion for the weak


For what purpose, for another to tell me what to do and how to think and act


So that they may feel more comfortable in my presence


I understand you explanation


I am seriously considering being dark in response


I have had enough of trying to justify my life to you


There is nothing else to tell you about your problem


I have had enough of trying to do the right thing and assist you in your education


All things with me are one way or another


If it is not light it is dark always there is no in-between


I am here in the dark again


Do what ever you want to do


Influences will rule your life until you reach the age of consideration and decision making


Only then can you say I will or will not be


Until that time go on you way and allow me to be me


Conversation, manipulation

Asking for individualisation

Not wanting to give a thing in return

Is this your consideration?

When you wait you wonder

What if, shall I, should I

It is enough to drive you bloody mad

Do the thing and get it over

Change you mind and leave

Either way make a decision

And others try not to deceive

Yes I did, knowing you didn’t

I am fine, leave me alone

What is your problem?

Can you not see right here is my home?

Advice from a friend!


Take each day as it comes

Put your trust in God

You are loved

We are here for you regardless of whether you feel you need us

We think of you every day

Do not worry

I will phone you tomorrow

I love you


Thanks MUM sleep well and know that my world is a better place because you are in it.




Resisting the temptation to explode in your face

Resisting the temptation to retaliate

Why should I suffer and listen to you

This is only what you want me to do

Instead I should kill you and deal with what comes

This would be easy like you banging up your gums

You know nothing of me but yet you judge

Come into my world let me show you a thug

Time is a measure of what has been

For you it’s running out just like mike my scream

Steps have been taken and a path is being followed

Considerations of space can no longer be swallowed

Your fucking time is up

Dragged out

Dragged out and stretched

Limits reached with no regret

Contemplation of lessons learned

Pro-active leaning to the one concerned


Futile attempts to impress another

Discerning the facts for you to discover

What is hidden or in plain view

Now that you know is it up to you


Play or withdraw the game is on

Shall we make it a test or merely for fun

Slow discloser or slips of the tongue

Deeper involvement or a chance to run


Manipulation of time and space

Creating that image no time to waste

Imperfections now on display

Shall we continue or quit today


What is on offer or to gain?

Should this come to an end what would remain?

Time for a change of conceptions and space

Is this the right moment in time and space?

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