Archive for February, 2006

But I don’t dream!

Last night I had a dream

I dreamt that things could be different

I found myself in a place never before seen

Somewhere that I have never been


I awoke with a feeling of humiliation

Knowing that this was only a dream

Knowing for another day I would want to scream

Not for the want of contemplation


But because that place can no longer be seen

To be stuck in a reality with no chance for return

To that place of belonging where consciousness does yearn

Now forced to deal with unknowingness of time


I find myself considering what in this world is truly mine

Feelings of sorrow being pushed to one side

For the day has begun and now I must decide

What is it that I can achieve?


That would make the thoughts of that dream not far stray

To consider actions of others and react in a way

That in my hearts desire would brings things closer so to say

To that perfection of being where all would be well


To live in a place that is not compared to hell

But what can I do to achieve what to others can merely be

Seen as an invitation to use and abuse the kindness within me

Pure frustration of body and mind, trying to find others of my kind


How can I show in my actions and mind to all

Who on my path I do find that my intention is not for conflict

But purely to grow not for myself but for others to show

That there is another place where we all could be


Where life and oneness is the only way to be

A place of rest and individualisation

A place where everyone has no concept of nation

Where all will learn and discover in time that the way we are living


Is the only true crime allowing others to suffer

And bringing this about by our own omissions and our

Fear to shout that’s not right what we have done

How far should I go to shatter your elusions?

How far should I go to show you the truth?

How far should I go to discover pure emotions?

How far should I go to find true peace?


As far as is needed to secure my future

As far as is needed to discover my path

As far as is needed to become the person

As far as is needed to assist your growth


So why do you tell me that I am wrong?

So why do you tell me that there is no peace?

So why do you tell me that I am failing?

So why do you tell me there is no excuse?


So that you can continue this life of deception

So that you can continue to live in war

So that you can continue to justify your education

So that you can continue to lie and abuse


Now that you have shown me your only direction

Now that you have shown me who you truly are

Now that you have shown me your lack of consideration

Now that you have shown me you have not travelled far


I choose to make my own decisions

I choose to strive for a greater being

I choose to consider my every action

I choose to explore and examine who we are

Understanding challenges.

What is it that makes us grow?

A desire, a wish, a concept of being better?

What is this desire, wish or concept based upon?

Can we as individuals grow without the expense of another?


Is it possible for teachers to assist in such growth?

Without us taking this as a personal challenge?

In order to teach one needs to want to learn

Regardless of what the original motivation is


What is your learning style?

Are you able to learn from the experiences of others?

Or do you feel that it is necessary to have your own?

Will you examine a situation and say I would have done

This or that differently and thus place yourself on a higher

Plain than the one whom you just witnessed stumble?

Is it possible to be balanced in the sense that you are able

To learn and pass on such knowledge without being


Judgemental in your relations or words.

Or is it that mere being means that we feel that it is

Necessary to gloat over others and thus strive to surpass

There point of incapability’s.

We often restrict the worlds of others with the use of the word


They are, did you know, have you heard. With such words and

Conceptions we use the pen that is mightier than the sword and

Can with careless words destroy the life of another, robbing them

Of there dreams and desires within this material plain.


What is it that is within us that rejoices at the demise of another

That makes us not only want to see such downfall but which within

Us creates a feeling of euphoria in that we think that thank goodness that was not me in that position. And thus we can continue with our daily lives

And ignore the fact that we have just been a witness, taken part in or instigated

The ridiculing of a lifetimes work for an individual, family, community or Nation. Thus is the inclination of man for the demise of and rejoicing in the fact that someone else is getting it instead of us and thus we can rest, peacefully that night.

so what’s up then!

Rising to the challenge

I am slowly becoming competent

In challenging governmental and

Educational decisions not to assist

The many young people who are

Continually being let down by the

Educational system within this country

It is a shame that on an individual case

It boils down to the mere point of cash

Many schools now have in place a point

Scale that is based upon getting the young

Person out of the education system before

The school is forced to recognise the need

Of that person and then having to pay for

Any additional support needed. In this respect

Schools now have a limit of days exclusions

Before the young person becomes permanently

Excluded based upon the accumulated number

Of days that they have had. It is apparent that

Many parents are now falling foul of this system.

The other one now is that headmasters within

An educational area are sharing information

In relation to students that they regard as being

Difficult. And those opted out schools are choosing

Not to admit students who have experienced

Difficulties within other areas of the same

County or others near by. The system has changed

And it is now down to the parents to become

Informed of the necessary procedures and

Monitor these prior to their children being

Permanently excluded. I have run courses for

Students excluded from mainstream school

and also worked with those in alternative

educational establishments as well as working

within therapeutic environments to address

social and educational difficulties. I am gradually

becoming more and more critical of what it is

that main stream schools are now doing with

their students who present any form of behavioural

difficulties. The things that schools now base

their decisions on are, family history, previous

difficulties within other schools, including primary

involvement with other governmental agencies

police, social services, youth services etc. The

system is now such that once a child has been

labelled by a school as having difficulties it is only

a matter of time before that student shall be

excluded form the school. Those who are now

holding themselves up as inclusion officers and

the such like are making the lives of many children

both unsuccessful and unproductive within

mainstream schools. What a bloody waste

What is it that you want from me?

Is there no where else for you to be

I have nothing to offer one such as you

Because as a person I am always true


Not for you to manipulate

Not here for entertainments sake

But for the love of life and continual growth

to educate some and emotions evoke


So go on your way and do not look back

There is nothing you have left

That is worth having back

There is only sorrow and times to be missed


And for this you should know I can resist

Any physical temptation that you have to offer

For there is nothing else so why do you bother

A body is merely a casing of sorts


And like all things this in time will

Become distraught, not looking so pretty

There is nothing left, for your whole persona

Behind you have left, withering and dead


Consider your options and forward do dare

Don’t come back this way and expect me to care

I have told you before but you did not listen

Then again you beg that I reconsider my decision


Time has shown that the first was the best

No need to prolong, no need to protest

Accept what is there for all just to see

That between you and me there will never be


That feeling of trust and constant awake

Should be treasured prior to that choice you did make

You think you can play, and now scream in disgust

As if you were some thing other than lust


Don’t try to implant things that are not there

Enjoy every moment and for others don’t care

No restrictions on me can you place

No emotional blackmail shall I longer take


So step to one side and allow me to move

For the restrictions you offer verge on abuse

And this kind of game I no longer play

For this is maturity when you learn another way

No such thing

No such thing as institutional racism, individuals run institutions and it is those individuals who make life changing decisions.



I’ve been informed that

There are some institutions

That one should not tackle

That these should be left

To do there thing and

Not be questioned by the

Average person for fear

Of the consequences and

The drawing of attention

To one’s self and those

Involved, that these institutions

Have the ability to dictate and

Do what ever it is that they

Feel is fit and adequate at

The time they choose to

Be involved.


My response to that is

Bring it on you fuckers

For this is not about winning

It is about the ability to fight

And stand up for what is

Considered right in the face

Of adversity, to question that

Which others are fearful to

Speak out loud about, it is to make

A stance and challenge in

Order that those that follow

Will not have to do so


Those that follow are the

Children, and as such we

The adults should not back

Away from a challenge that

May impact upon their lives

For the sake of self preservation

Make a stand in order to address

The issues that we know are

Not for ignoring or pretending

That this is ok as long as this does

Not affect us or our kin


I make my stand because

I have many children and

I will not back down from

The confrontations that are

Awaiting on the horizon for

An easy life, should I do so then

I condemn my children to a life

Of emotional servitude and lies

This is the time that has been spoken of

The time when all things come to a head

Where do you stand in this final call to arms?

This is not conflict this is war

Have you made you choice?

Which side are you on?

Can you say this with your whole heart?

Are you just hoping that the confrontation is not real?

This is the judgement of our times

This is the stance you make for the last time

So where are you?

I look and you were beside me

But now I can not find you

You were my friend

And now you are gone

I stand alone

But I am firm

In my consideration

And my contemplation

Of how things should be

Move from in front of me

As I am not the one

You want as an enemy

There are things of which

We are all aware

And this is not the time

For a philosophical discussion

But the time for

Actions and commitment

Neither of which you

Are able to offer

So move from before me

And lay down your arms

And I shall consider your

Life and ignore your

Charms that you used to entice

Me into a wed of deception and

Deceit, for now is the time

For inhalation and no

Consideration of retreat

Gone is the concept of

Friendship upon which you

Depend in order to

Confuse another

Am I not old enough to have peace?

Have I not done my part in life?

Justification for the self states

That I have done my best

Every since I was capable of

Conscious thought it has been

My mission to create more

Good than harm in my life

So why is that others?

Do not bestow upon me

The same respect?

I have brought up many children

For those who were unwilling

Or incapable off looking after

Their own in life

So why is it that I am not?

Having a peaceful life and

Enjoying the company of my own

Without the interference of those who

Think that they know better

Only for me to tell them

Their roll in this life and

The consequences of their

Inconsiderate actions as if

They were not aware of this

In the first place?

I am confident


And willing to stand my ground

And account for my actions

What is it that scares you?

Am I arrogant?

Or am I confident?

Are you able to distinguish the difference??

Or is it that your ignorance

Dictates your actions?

Me thinks it is the latter!

If I had one wish

It would be for you to be mine

For now and always

But hay lets get real

That is not the way the world goes round

And thus I must look at your actions

And ask why it is that you

Insist on having me hanging on

What is it that you do not want to loose?

But then again what you do not want?

If I had one wish it would be

For you to find another

And leave me the fu*^% alone.

A broken heart can mend,

But not if you keep poking your bloody finger in it.

So pi%$ off and torment someone else in this life

And let me grow old gratefully and content


Ok calm down

The date is out as it is a new cam and I just wanted to take some pic’s of the kid’s so don’t shit a brick and hurt ya self ok, God dam


I sit and watch in despair

Try my best and pretend I don’t care

It’s not that I don’t love you

But thinking so deeply is such scare


I just want to come and get you

I look and see where you have been

And close my eyes to avoid such disappointment

I know where you going this before I have seen


It is driving me mad

I look in your eyes and feel ashamed

What can I do to help you?

But offer my support and my love


I think of all the things that could save you

Where you here I would show you my love

But what can I do but follow

Ask others and make sure your ok


And when I come and see you

I Smile then look the other way

It’s not that I don’t want to see you

But I know that look of no love


The way clothes seem to hang off you

And that shaking when I give you a hug

I wish that things could be different

But there’s little that I can do for you


So until the time when you’re ready

I will always have love for you

When you’re falling I’m here to catch you

Until then walk tall and be true

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