Archive for April, 2006


Caught up with the boy who stood on Malachi’s face maybe a month or so ago. Just advised him that if he was going to pick on younger kids that Malachi has three older brothers who are all in their twenties and might be interested should it happen again! Don’t like the way Malachi has taken it though. Seems to have made him kind of big headed but I was not comfortable with the idea that someone had done that to him and there was no comeback to it. Remember having to do all this stuff with his brothers and going of the handle with a few people who thought that it was ok to take liberties with my boys. Age makes me consider now how much of our society is dictated by bullying and manipulation of others. I feel sorry for the boy that did it because he is just another victim who has been permanently excluded from school, over a year now I hear. What are his prospects; he’s only 15/16 and is known to be a bit of a bully. Spends his Friday nights robbing the younger kids of their alcohol and fags so I have been told. Why is there nothing to help kids like him? So many seem to slip through the net to perpetuate the next generation of considered misfits. Anyway he’s going round making noise about what is going to happen next. I have just told Malachi not to worry and ignore it as he has to say something so that he does not look small in front of his crew who were all present when I spoke with him. Well I thought I don’t want to do this too often so was glad to catch most of that lot together, saves me repeating myself. Hope it’s at an end now as these things can sometimes get out of hand and well that is a road I know only too well and don’t really want to be forced to go down it again.

Misunderstandings!

I’m so biting my tongue that it hurts. Don’t know what made you think I was talking about you Kim but hopefully you now know it wasn’t for you. If I knew who the girl was I would have been able to go tell her myself as I am anything but shy. But she was overheard running me down in the local Tesco’s and like how peeps love to give good news several people have been back to tell me quick time. I know of her man but don’t know where to find him either, maybe just as well hay. Nothing else I can say without going off into one so going to stop.  

I love this sofa. I’m in the process of trying to restore it as best I can. Both the sofa and chairs were seriously sagging and needed additional support. The chairs I did a few weeks ago and was fairly straight forward. The sofa on the other hand took up half of the day and ended up in my wrecking the flat. Still so far so good. I like the cover that is on it but now I’m on the look out for matching material and a dam good cleaner. I just love the wood on the set and would not part with it for love or money

Wow! You know I’m coming back to this one later

Yo country girl!

Don’t be banging up your gums about me as you don’t know me. When it comes to it I might have to come to your face and tell you about not only your inbred self but also about where your man has been since you have been with him. Like how your now planning your life don’t let me have to get involved and totally shatter your little incestuous upbringing and mess with your obviously underdeveloped mind. Don’t chat what you don’t know, enough people are laughing at you already so rest your self before this thing goes public, seen. Just stick to your dad and family that’s what your used to and don’t be messing with me as I don’t take sorry for an answer. And as for your man don’t let me go there and batter him with the truth as it’s obvious that he gave you his trousers some time ago init.

you lie!

Why do you feel it necessary to

Lie to disguise who you are

To make representations of things

That are not true or you

Why do you feel it necessary to

Deceive yourself into living a life

That is not true

What is it about yourself that you

So dislike that you would have

Others believe you were another

Are you that naive to think that

The truth one day we shall not

All discover

That you are not who you say

You are and that in fact you

Have gone out of you way to

Show to all just how shallow

A person you can be

Awake from the dream you

Have weaved to create a life

That only you can see

Look around you and realise

That in you deception you are

The only one who was deceived

For those around you you did

Not mislead.

Expectations

Feeling seriously confused after my two day’s in Essex. One of my friends is on anti depressants, another seems to have just totally lost the plot and one of my ex’s daughters is also on anti depressants. Don’t know what’s going on, kind of feel helpless. Don’t understand this reliance on medication and this expectation that we have to be able to function the way others expect us too. We all have periods of difficulties within our lives and there are times when you would rather be somewhere else and living someone else’s life, but this is only compounded by the expectations of others and external pressures. Don’t know what to do or say or how to help, fuck it.

Well dropped the kids off down their mothers and now down to cleaning and painting. Another first for me. I am ok with a drill or something electrical but this paint thing isn’t really me. Well here goes, lets see what the end result is hahaha. Blasting out the most tunes, thinking about leaving the room as empty as possible as the sound is just wicked hahaha.

New experiences!

What! Something new at my age! Helped to deliver a lamb this afternoon with Malachi and our friend Barry. First time for everything they say. While I have been at the birth of all my boy’s this was something else. Don’t think that I could be a farmer ever. Isaiah wants one of the lambs to take home with him on Thursday and has stated that he will no longer eat lamb again.

This is my view!

Yes well back again to bang up my gums. Listen this is my space and I know many people are not happy with what is going on here, what can I say. I will tell you the same thing I would if I was to meet you. If you do not like it get out of my face as I would do the same for you. For me this is merely mental exercise to keep my brain in action and let off some steam at the same time. Mixed somewhere in there has to be my contemplation, motivation and hopes for things to come. If you are looking for perfection then you need to move on. This is just me, who I am, have and will be. There is nothing I treasure more than honesty. This can save so much in the long run in both emotional and physical terms. I am not here to play with people intentionally as games go on that sometimes your just not aware of. I love to chat and have a good argument. I also like to flirt and have a good laugh. Many a night I gone to bed with me jaw and side hurting (thanks princess sweet pea ya know ya ma nigger for true). So some of you just need to back off and not take this personally. We can all find things in the words and actions of people that we know and personalise/internalise them, but hay what are we doing other than to try and create/interpret an image or view that we have of ourselves or think others have of us. Based on that is it any blood wonder that 25% of the population have mental health issues.

 

 

Just had the greatest ten days of my life. Ten days of time with family members especially children. A place of euphoria purely due to the fact that those that are loved in my life would know this should my time finish today. For me this is the way to end a good day. Money could not buy/provide the feeling of contemptment. In my own eyes I have done all that I could have based upon my knowledge to reach this point. There is no other place I would rather be. My experiences have brought me thus far and consideration and expectations will carry me further. I am optimistic for the future, not based upon the actions/omissions of others but based upon my own determination/motivation to do what it is that I can do. There are times when I am not sure what that role is but experiences help me know the general direction. Second best will not do, it is not what I offer or accept in social interactions. Pretencesness is something that I do not have the time for. Yes that makes me often rude, arrogant and often self confident. So what! That is the right I have and can only hope that I do not encroach on the rights of others. Every one who is here has that right by birth. It is only the inactions of others that restrict the capability of human kind, i/e you and me.

so yes I can chat!

And before you start banging up

Your gums at me, two of my children

Are half German and two are full so

Back off. Consider selective breeding

And wonder why we have health clinics

Not of the physical kind with untold

Carnage and slaughter of life but of

The kind that happened at the turn of

1900’s when man considered what

was next in store for himself and kind

the German’s made many a good

contribution to mental development

but kinda got it wrong on the physical

side, still live and learn hay.

 

While it would be statistically possible to state

That crime is on the increase, mere observation

Would indicate that it’s is not crime but the fear

Of violent crime that is on the increase. The number

Of serious crimes that we all hear about would

Indicate the contrary in that if there were crimes

Everywhere we would not all be talking of the

Same ones that always seem sensational. It is the

Portrayal that is sensational, the mere manipulation

And construction of a reality that we were not

Aware of. 15 year old rapes 11 year old in

Sainsbury’s toilet, youth stabbed at school. Nothing

Has changed, these things are continually happening.

With some police forces considering the non investigation

Of minor crime and the proven correlation between

Levels of crime and socialisation into such activities,

Predictability and prevention would surely come to

Mind. But hay who cares, do you?

Hold on am I going mad or what. This is the year

2006 and were still telling peeps to get of their land

and hell no your not getting it back as it would cost

us too much! Thank god we live in a democratic,

religious society based upon good old Christian

values of what’s yours I can take from you with

the aid of the judicial and political systems supported

by automated institutions with no accountability.

Are we alive!

 I visited Brixton several times last week. A tour of south London taking in Crystal Palace, Walworth Road and Norwood involved the socialisation and education of my youngest two children. I considered that they could spend time with their grandmother and farther, but I was privileged with many more experiences for both the children and myself.

 

The first that struck me was a stall holder selling sugar cane that Malachi so desperately wanted. The stall holder took the time to educate my boys in being able to say £1.20 in three languages other than English. To this he added his life story and how from the Far East he was now in Brixton and why it was that he did not want his grandchild to be standing at his stall. While I took the time for both myself and the boys to listen to these stories (we all have a story to tell) my mother was somewhat impatient. Strange I thought, this woman is a devote Christian (see my next article for that one). To me this was both entertaining and educational (real as I would say) but for my mother she did not have the time to listen. “if you let them they will keep you there all day”. Hmmm!

 

Next came Isaiah’s wonder at seeing half a cow hanging in a shop. While he must have seen these sights before, I think for him it was the wonder of seeing so many of them in a row and not out of his reach. I walked into the shop only to be faced by a stone faced assistant asking if they could help. I explained that I did not want to buy anything but wanted Isaiah to have a closer look at the meat hanging. Should have said I wanted some chicken, for no sooner had the words come out of my mouth than the guy’s face went a degree harder than it was. He stood his ground and baring our way looked past us. Yeah well if you wanted confrontation you got it. I let loose such a long list of condemnation and abuse that my mother had to come and get me from the stall next door. (that was funny). She told me to calm down and forget it as “them kind of people are just ignorant”. I wasn’t going to leave it there. From the stall adjacent I continued to voice my disgust that a child could be treated in such a way just for wanting to learn and examine. Four other members of staff had come out of the stall (they all seem to have ten people working in them) and were urging me to take Isaiah in and let him have a look around. I was more than willing to go in but my mother thought that I had created enough of a disturbance for one visit.

 

To top of that trip we dropped into a continental store as I wanted to stock up on sum seasonings (too dam expensive in Tesco’s), along with some Irish Moss and nutriment. For my entertainment I observed some young girl (unable to even guess at her ethnic origin, the guy’s seemed Mediterranean, again there must have been ten of them in the shop) calling every woman that she spoke to auntie. I had done cussed the shop assistants for pushing past me, if you want my money at least pretend to be polite. Interesting one for me. The only other culture that I have observed doing that kind of thing was Nigerian. Being who I am I had asked what it was that made them all related, I had been told that for one it was the communality of culture and two it was the concept of family supported by that of respect. Should you call someone auntie, mum, brother or other relation then you are showing respect for that individual. Also that male female thing came into it about serving and being served. The girl stood out as there were several older ladies waiting to be served by her rather than others, Hmmm, respect can go a long way!

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