Archive for May, 2006


Shut it will ya!

Those of you coming with your arguments of sex and sexuality where do your moral judgements come from? And are you assuming some form of religious conformity or emotional and sexual denial, control or restraint! Look up your history and stop bugging me. And friends, ex friends and the like, stop phoning and chatting my name live your life init as I got nough fee arguments with people I don’t know thank you. And ya carrying on like someone isn’t gonna bring it to me for whatever reason, bring it ya self or shut up big time.

Took Malachi out on his bike twice tonight. First time with his mate, dam the amount of people who are not happy with their lot. Know that one been there any reason to stop another’s enjoyment but shit what’s going on! Some aggressive something come at me, feel so sorry for her man hahaha, after she done banging up her gums at me she then come with and I suppose ya think you’re a man for having a go at a woman, it was all I could do to stop myself from bursting out with laughter. Don’t as me how that reached to her wanting to shake my hand when I done but that’s how it ended, what a mind fuck.

Zappers!

Had a look at one of those zapper things the other day on my travels. Understand you can get them for around £50. I remember reading some time ago about someone being mugged using one, London maybe. Had to test the thing out so gave myself a little jolt in the palms of each hand. Well them that had it were doing the macho thing init let me hold it so I can shock someone, take away the element of fear and what was macho is now pussy init come take a shot ha-ha, some good jokes were had. Don’t know what was going on there as that was just part of a mad weekend

Midi motors. I am not one for getting onto motorised bikes and stuff but having just got one for my son’s birthday I would ask what is the problem with kids riding them? Like the skateboard thing and roller blades when will local governments respond to the needs of their community in an instant rather then retrospectively when the trend is done. Midi bikes, mini bikes and quads are in for you people and some older ones too. I consider them to be a toy that requires supervision, read the dam instructions init, children are to be supervised. But yet they are being confiscated crushed and dismantled. My son got his on the proviso that he uses it in an appropriate place supervised and with the correct equipment. I intend to let him use it in woods, open fields and land despite this being near to some residential areas. He is a member of the community also and thus has a right to enjoyment of his free time. Many local councils need to get their act together and provide for those who like this form of entertainment a venue for this to take place

Bank holiday must be two weekends ago now. Pure madness was going on. Left here on the Saturday morning and went to London. Dropped Malachi off at me mums and headed down to Torque. What a palaver, don’t know what I was doing down there. Here’s me thinking I lived in country. Anyway’s only went down for one night and ended up there until Sunday morning. Thanks to Michele and her crew, Roxy (ya little rave’r you’re a right dark horse init) Mel what can I say (nice one) and Michele thanks nice little connection. Still pissing me self over how things went on down there. Ended up having some big time conversation drinking Brandy and being stark naked, don’t know what was going on there hahaha some good madness. Picked up Malachi on Monday, poor boy looked like he missed me, still just spoilt init had my full attention for the last year now. From me mums we drove down to his mums in Essex. Only there a few hours and then headed home. Malachi looked as pleased as me to reach, telling me he wants his room painted now. Turning it into a right teenage den now. Covered over 750 miles that weekend. Going to see if we can beat that this coming bank-holiday.

Spent the morning waiting for the delivery man. For once I can not complain, they tried to deliver while we were away for the weekend so I went on their web-site and rebooked for today a.m. Nice one, came before lunch time, not one hick-up anywhere along the line. I was a bit dubious as this was the first time I had ordered something so bulky over the internet but to their word the company delivered on time. Nice one to both www.parceline.com and www.rocketimports.co.uk you helped make my boy’s birthday a good one, phew!

 

One day has the ability to justify the meaning of all things before. To see the look on Malachi’s face at seeing his bike waiting in the hall when he came home for lunch, priceless.

 

 

Passion/compassion!

 

It’s been a long year full of dramatic changes and experiences. I can not remember one like it since oh lets see, the age of twenty four or five maybe. At that time I choose to be a single parent. Things were not working out between me and the first baby mother and one thing I had promised my self was that I would not be just another weekend farther. You see growing up in south London that was such the norm for many of the people that I knew. I so felt for the kids that I knew who would say that is my dad over there. Dam what kind of world do we live in. The most striking memory was of walking down East Street with one of my mates and her son and all of a sudden she turned to the boy and said that was your farther who just walked passed you. I nearly died. The look on the poor boys face! Nope, no way, no how was I going to allow a child of mine to feel or think that I would just pass them on the street and have nothing to say.

 

So here we are again under the same circumstances, just a different location. What a difference seventeen years and one hundred and forty miles make. Rutland! What can I say other than small place some of the people are kind of friendly but it’s one of those places that you will not be accepted until maybe the third or fourth generation. I do not know what the population is but I have heard there is another black man that lives down here somewhere but I have never seen him. Chatted a few times to another black guy that lives in a near by village, just stopped him on the high street and asked him what he was doing down here. He seemed ok but wouldn’t you know it the next day I get a phone call from a friend? Saying you know that bloke you were talking to yesterday, well stay away from him. Why I ask? Well it turns out he’s been inside for murder and is a suspected pimp and drug dealer. What the hell the man must be 60 odd if he’s a day. Still laughing like mad at that one as people I don’t even know seemed to find out that I was talking with this guy, must have been worried that we were talking about going into business or planning a riot or something.

 

Anyway back to the reason I am here. To vent my frustration, to bang up my gums, to let of steam at a mentality and system that seems so closed minded that I want to scream every single day. My son has a history of behavioural difficulties. When I left and devoiced his mother some nine years ago, his response was to burn the house down. Now lets not even go into the one about how was he able to get hold of a lighter and quietly go to first the garden shed then his bedroom and proceed to set fire to everything his four year old hands could be laid on, nor the fact that his mother was busy drinking tea in the kitchen at the time. What is relevant to this story is that this was the first time he came to the notice of social services. From then on there is a track record of events and incidents that have been recorded and monitored but no constructive action taken stretching his entire little life. From school behavioural records requesting intervention to police involvement in some of his not so constructive activities. Now I have to ask my self the question what were they waiting for? Having been brought to there attention rather than intervention social services and the police chose to monitor the situation for nine years and do nothing other than make records. Now his mother being a qualified social worker I have to really ask my self what the f*c$!

 

Ok so what was I up too during this time? Well you see it goes like this, his school refused me access to his records stating that while I had parental responsibility for Malachi he resided with his mother and thus her concerns and issues were paramount. Don’t ask, anyways his mother was not prepared to go down that route too many complications, like time of work, how it would look to her profession etc. etc. Now despite the fact that his behaviour was of concern being still at primary school intimidation, bullying and physical control were still working with him. But wouldn’t you know it he grew a little and was no longer able to be dragged to his bedroom by his ear’s and neither of his brothers in their twenties were able to physically force him to do things, (grew out of that fear thing). Now at 5’6 and over 10 stone he was becoming a bit of a hand full. Ok now decision time either he goes into care or his dad has him. What the! Reminds me of a reading that I did somewhere about when black males move from primary to secondary schooling they undergo a transformation in the eyes of society. They are no longer cute little black boys who have nice hair, they are now growing males who represent what society fears most, criminals, prone to violent  outbursts. You seen the documentary and read the headlines, four out of ten do not get excluded from school.

 

Well that is where we stand now, one year down the road and the boy is just beginning to realise his is somebody, that he has a right to an education, that while some people impose their fears on him that does not change who he is. But still the fight is not over yet, there’s a whole heap more to come so check back in init. And don’t forget to leave a comment

 

Thanks to the guy who left the comment about not being able to read a previous entry, colours been changed, nice one, sorry I don’t remember your name but I will be popping by your space soon to say hi and all that.

Happy Birthday

13 Today

Malachi

 

 

A celebration of your name as it is an indication of who you are “Malachi

 

"Behold, I send my messenger [in Hebrew that would be "Behold, I send Malachi"] to prepare the way before me…" (Malachi 3:1a RSV)

 

Thus you are God’s messenger and have a role to play in life. This role like all others gives purpose and meaning in the chaos of life.

This is the role for which we are all born, some to be teachers, doctors or lawyers, some to be husband’s wives or children.

In your life time you may play more than one role in turn or at once. Nothing more can be asked of any individual to do more than there share.

Those who do more than this are known among us as hero’s and leaders, friends lovers or children for they are the one’s that continually inspire us to be better than we are, to make that change which will enhance the quality of life for us all.

You Malachi are the messenger and the message is love, for within you you have much love to give and those who see this are rejoiced and know that there is love in the world.

For me you are my motivation to challenge all that is not right in the world, all that would see disadvantage become the norm. For you I shall change the world into a better place so that it may hear your message of love and peace.

Happy Birthday now and for ever

Love Dad 😉

 

 

Still screwing big time over the lack of organisation around Malachi’s birthday. Not even all of his brothers were there. I am still getting seriously vex over the issue. Told  to bring him down for this bar-b-q thing and then they carry on like he did something to them. So wanting to put them in a room and tell them something about where he grow up and why he is towards them the way that he is. It seems that every family has to have their scape goat and for them it was Malachi. He’s this and that and the main reason for their problems. Well the poor boy isn’t there anymore but you’re still carrying on that way towards him. And you wonder why he at twelve has already decided that he does not want to spend any time down there after he grew up with you lot for the last eight years. Must have been bloody good for him init. At twelve he’s already telling you about your selves not from disrespect but merely from how you are carrying on towards him, you’re lucky for now that I am keeping out of it, for his benefit and not yours as supposedly you lot were the main influential adults in his life. And pray tell me how it is that over night Isaiah is now the thorn within you sides. You need to shape up quick time if you think I am just going to watch you carry on towards him like that. We won’t predict a time from this one hay but time will tell init, wotless singting uno.

Bin a long time!

Haven’t been here for a week. Been busy doing nothing init. Still got a little smoke coming out of me ears over what happened with me boys birthday celebrations. Must be getting old being able to hold it in under such provocation. It was nice that they got him a cake! It was nice that they got him a little extra something as he had his laptop early from me and then me and the others got together to get him one of those midi motor things. What was not nice was the fact that neither his mother or one of his brothers could hold it together long enough to not argue with him or each other. Such an open display of aggression is something that which I must have lived at some point in time is really a non attractive thing to listen to or be part of. A few times I did try to intervene but when it started to come in my direction I thought maybe not I’ll leave you too it. I didn’t say much until we were back home for a few days and then I merely stated that I didn’t like what went on. Not worth going there as its not as if it’s something that I have to live. My concerns are now with the little man who is beginning to display the attributes that Malachi and I have worked so hard to change over the last year. Made my request’s to have him now before the damage becomes too great, but hay that’s not going to happen. Over head Malachi saying pack his sorry ass up and send him here, sounds like someone I know! But that about sum’s up where his mother stands, she can not be coming to me saying things are not going right as Malachi is here and she has the time and space now to concentrate on Isaiah, it’s merely down to her own motivation now. I am more than pleased with the result of the last years work. Malachi has come along in leap’s and bounds and many people have had a hand in it but I feel that he is finding his own motivation and place within this community. Whether or not he is accepted is another matter and something that in many respects I am fighting on his behalf. He is off out tonight camping in the woods. Dropped him and his mate off after meeting the boy’s mum, to make sure that she knew where they were going and also to make sure I knew where they would be. They have the mobile and that with them just in case but mean’s no drinking for me tonight dam! Not the kind of thing he was interested in a few months ago but he has found his place I think, time will tell. Done with this for now. Got some blogs to finish that I started during the week so look out init.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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