Archive for June, 2008

Rutland County Concil

On me way down to Nottingham!!! Got to put in a few papers at court lol. The council have applied to have the first hearing moved to Melton Mowbray, think they will get a more sympathetic judge there than in Nottingham init. Pmsl they must have got wind of the direction that the police case is going, bloody jokass’s!!!!  They even started responding to those complaints that are like five months odd ignored, jokers!!! Looking up how to move on to the European courts next init pmsl!!! Too much dam free time of my hands init WTF!!!!

MSN!!!! I have put msn messenger back on my lappy, but I am not happy with it!!! The dam thing just likes to take over init!! On top of that I am fed up with the having to sign in like ten times and getting kicked out after like half a convo. You would think that after all this time they would have sorted their shit out init!!! Ebuddy does not seem that much better either!!! Have had to take off all the updates just to get msn messenger to dam work lol, still it’s got to better than the blue, red or blank screen that keeps getting me vex init!!!!

a mind in difference

I sometimes wonder when alone at night

If what I do be wrong or right

Should I do those things that make me me

Or should I be like those others that I see

Talk with hollow eyes and empty mind

Pretending to be nice, caring and kind

Mouth wide open with nothing to say

Obstruction destruction followed by dismay

I see you I watch you but nothing do you say

All is the same today tomorrow yesterday

No room no sight of where you have been

Silent words followed by vibrant screams

This is not the way I was meant to be

So hard to be different so hard to be me!!!!

Don’t be offended if I speak my mind

I’m only trying to be one of a kind

I try to be different I try to be me

I’ve got this vision of growth you see


Sometimes in darkness sometimes in light

There is no difference from day to night

Changing places and changing faces

Wanting to grow and come out of stases


What’s the point in trying so hard

Watching others emotions discard

Is this real am I me

Another I really don’t want to be


Tried to find another way

Different direction different way

No other option than just to be me

And thus it is with you I disagree


Not wanting to be you or like in kind

Trying hard to be me for the other to find

Alone I must stand do you not see me

Now being the time to make things free


Not enough to arguing or fight

Leave the likes of you behind

Different directions different mind

Concentration being the thing defined


On top of some mountain I just might find

The space that’s needed the clearness of sight

That one indication of darkness now light

That one chance to make what’s wrong into right

I met with the police solicitor and the Right Honourable Judge at 2.30 on Friday. I spent half an hour sitting out side the judge’s chambers praying my ass off as I did not know what I was going to say. This while not the first time I have been in judges chambers, was the firs time that I was there as a claimant rather than defendant lol. I felt lost but not out of place, weird!!! For a little while I listened to the solicitors meetings discussing the cases they were going in to represent to the judge’s. Everyone was there for the same reason, to either present reasons why their cases should be moved forward to court or to make application for cases to be dismissed before going to court. I was the only lay person there. I was the only person without a suit (jokes what’s new). I looked to the ground and noticed the stupidest thing!! Everyone was wearing brand new shoes. They looked to me like they were models (the shop dummy kind) that had just stepped out of the suit shop for a break or change of scene. Correctly spoken and dressed to impress. With arms full of papers and every one of them were carrying bags with books and representations of their cases. Who’s got my back I remember thinking, my answer was clear GOD had me covered. I did not feel nervous and I was not concerned with the outcome. I felt a quiet calmness that in an hour or two this would be over and behind me and thus I would be able to get on with part of my life. The Judge was professional. For a long time I have forgotten what it is like to deal with such individual’s whom were outwardly (and I do believe) inwardly motivated to do a good job. I am not impressed easily but the judge impressed me. He was patient understanding and explanatory in every aspect of what he was doing saying and the process that would be followed. As he spoke I felt my heart sinking. I thought such explanation and clarification can and usually is only followed by dismissal and justification for saying no. The police solicitor made her representation for dismissal and I stated my weak and feeble case for continuation. The judge started his summing up and I felt as if I was sinking into myself, almost disappearing to the middle of me with sound and vision slowly going away in the distance. I came out numb and shocked. My body was moving and I was still trying to find my way to the surface and figure out what was going on. I remember thanking the judge and following the known protocol of  turning and bowing before leaving his room, a sign of respect and reflection of the authority that this man had gained through experience and training and continual professional practice. The outcome, much to my amazement (and also the police solicitors) was that the judge considered that I did have a case to present and that this should now be moved forward to the next stage i.e a court hearing. The judge stated that he did not want this matter to be in court or aired in the public domain. He advised us both that we as the parties needed to settle this dispute within the eight week period that he was allowing for papers to be properly drawn up and served in an appropriate manor, a reflection of my inadequacy and acknowledgement that I was out of my field. I had been granted consideration by both the judge and solicitor that my representations while closely following those of protocol were merely a reflection of the appropriate processes needed to be followed. But they had been successful and there is now the prospect of this going to court or being resolved within the set time period. I’m slightly stunned, slightly confused and slightly relived. But after all my recent experiences (the last three years) more than anything I am numb. I feel as if I have lost all sense of feeling!!! I don’t feel justified, I don’t feel vindicated, I don’t feel joyful. I feel, tired, worn down and out, I feel as if nothing has changed. This has not been a learning experience. I have not grown or developed in any way or form. If anything I feel regressed or stagnated at the least. There is now an end in sight. And this week if I have time to catch my breath I have to go through the whole process again with Rutland County Council for not educating my son for the last two years. Some things are worth fighting for but the emotional, physical and mental price that has to be paid are extreme. Right now I just want to be left alone, literally. I don’t want anything to do with people, with deception and racist attitudes of the extremes that some will go to to destroy another. That is both a reflection of how I have been treated while living here and how others have treated my son based upon both my past and his colour. I don’t understand the fear, hatred and resentment that so many have displayed towards us. It’s not like I did not know that it existed, it’s just that I did not know how far individuals would and could use their influences while carrying out public services meant for all. To cut it short I am gutted and ever so disappointed in people.

You train for a period of time in order to overcome an obstacle. The learning process comes into play if and when you are able to use knowledge and experience from past obstacles in order to understand and over come the current. Thus those obstacles not overcome, become a hindrance to knowledge, growth and development.


We have reached a height of decadence where some work and some play and many do not have the option of choice. Something has to give, be given or be found that can justify the imbalances and inequalities in life.


Global movements towards the likes of eradicating poverty while being well minded are not realistic. If someone somewhere is worse off then sorry and all that but hay. The war distraction’s have not materialised and have merely added to the burdens of the world and in reality why make people well and educated so that they know better ways to fight. Let’s see what’s left when it’s over shall we.


In the mean time justification is needed for the unsuccessful minority whom are fast becoming the majority in personal growth and development combined with academic attainment and social responsibilities. Your advancement is your responsibility, use it or abuse it as you will, but understand that there will be no other.


The climate is right for social development, growth and new discoveries. Alas there are no socially motivated institutions left. The last of the big trade unions without suites has long since been banished into the pages of past. Now representation is based upon legal interpretation and statute bared rights of the individual too take up the arms of pen and paper within a set time period.


This is a Metropolis life style of corporate dictation of everyday life and living. Regardless of where or who you are Macdonald’s is in a town near you and if all else fails stick to the known brands like M&S global.


There is no justification for the current status quo. What was done was done in the name of humanity for at least a few selected groups. Lies that are truths and truths that were based upon lies are fast becoming our norm. Negated are notions of past and tomorrow as now and today require all judgement and skill in order to live and survive, “and to survive is to  find justification in that meaning”….

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