Archive for August, 2008

This morning I walked with the ancients’

They escorted me in all their glory

Asking one thing that I tell their story

Of how they did live and oh how they had died

That for them times were different but also hard

Of how they made a country and a place to live

That they can see us now and do not forgive

The melancholy that seems to have set in

That so many live and accept yours and my sin’s

They are not happy those ancients who have bin

Wanting to know why it was that now carts

Were so fast and the world empty of love

And nothing seemed to last and we move ever so fast

They asked me questions for things I did not know

Why the earth was warmer and somehow did glow

Of why all the sadness in children so young

And why it was that alcohol and drugs

Appeared to have become leading encompassing

To almost everyone

I had no answers for the ancients’

Not explanation for the invention of the gun

Of how it was that persons had lost

That sense of community and being one

Why it was we wished others ill will

And lied and cheated till it does make us ill

I had no explanation for the ancients’

Why when not at war men still chose to kill

Why people don’t care and carry on their day

Regardless of what others my do think of say

The ancients left me where road does right bend

They promised to visit again in time to defend

Man from him self and nature from us too

For you see those ancients do not recognise me or you!!!

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Some find it hard to say

What’s missing from life

Just from day to day

Those little things

That make us smile

Take the time

Examine for a while

Not what it is that

We have to give

But what we offer

For others to live

And so it is with

Glee in eye

I publish this

As the girl is shy

Not wanting to embarrass

Or make a muse

But another’s words

I now must use!!!!

Knowing of illusions and confusing times

Trying to discern what is yours and mine

Thoughts undertaken as actions in time

Not sure if they were originally mine

Trying to consider the other in you

Sometimes not sure of what I should do

Not to mislead you or be unkind

But to assist in looking for that other to find

That one that has all of those other fears

But has learnt to deal with over the years

Not just their own but actions they see

And thus bring closer you to me

Inspired direction for others to take

Assist support and avoid some mistakes

Trying not to be judgemental in all that I do

For history has it that once I was you

Looking for direction in others to find

Not knowing for certain if motivation was kind


I watch as death passes

Walk on with out word to say

Not showing concern or interest

In that poor soul that just pasted away

That could have been me just left this place

No emotion disturbance or screwing of face

Just silently passing in the dead of the night

No witnesses no drama or children with fright

How sad does that make me

For the loss of a soul

No longer here with us to support or console

Examining feelings where compassion should be

I found a hard place that’s developed in me

Not wanting to be weak or afraid of the dark

I let go some emotions for my mission to embark

Not that I need them or consider them to be

An asset or weakness but not absolute you see

But reflect as I do on those things gone by

I wonder would that have brought tears to my eye

Showing emotions for those that have gone

No way to consider that that would have been wrong

So much we have lost to come from away

But with such things would we make it who’s to say



Cool breeze blowing over bald sweaty head

Catch sight of someone staggering ahead

Walking backwards keeping time with me

I have to ask do my eye’s deceive what I see

Have to look once and then again make it twice

Not sure what is happening no answer will suffice

It can not be that he is moving my way

As I watch indications saying his walking the other way

I can not trust sight as it’s deceiving me

This not being possible how is it I see

Man walking forward but getting closer to me

Him reducing the gap but still not turned round you see

Pass him so weary not sure what will be

Sorry mate he says drunkenly

I have no explanation for such things in the dark

Merely thankful of my return slow down now my heart

Some find it hard to say

What’s missing from life

Just from day to day

Those little things

That make us smile

Take the time

Examine for a while

Not what it is that

We have to give

But what we offer

For others to live

And so it is with

Glee in eye

I publish this

As the girl is shy

Not wanting to embarrass

Or make a muse

But another’s words

I now must use!!!!


Those little things!!!

Some find it hard to say

What’s missing from life

Just from day to day

Those little things

That make us smile

Take the time

Examine for a while

Not what it is that

We have to give

But what we offer

For others to live

And so it is with

Glee in eye

I publish this

As the girl is shy

Not wanting to embarrass

Or make a muse

But another’s words

I now must use!!!!



bad man dem init 018bad man dem init 018bad man dem init 020bad man dem init 021bad man dem init 021bad man dem init 024

 Before I met you
I spent a lot of time
meeting all kinds of people
I had a lot of fun
and learned a lot
Though each person I met
had great characteristics
something was missing
No one person
had all the qualities that
I had hoped a person could have
someone whose every action
and thought I could respect
someone who was very intelligent
yet could also be fun-loving
someone who was sensitive,
yet virile
exciting and sensuous
someone who knew what they wanted
out of life
a beautiful person inside and out
I could not find a person like this
until I met you

Mile stones go without notice

Distances passed in the blink of an eye

Remembered inspiration somehow did die

Inspired in song and lived in lives

Distant angles do battle with demon hosts

For the sakes of you and I

Lives lived in darkness without sight

Scientific justification for feeling others die

No chance for reconciliation

Globalised economies our consideration

And amongst all this we make up a nation

Blind to the truths we choose to intern

Lessons of history we did not learn

Quests for victory being what you yearn

Visions of others who stand in our shoes

Resentful socially concerned internally mused

Daily interactions for peace of mind

Longing to be understood for that soul to find

Now we gonna hear some blasted noise!!! 001Now we gonna hear some blasted noise!!! 003Now we gonna hear some blasted noise!!! 004Now we gonna hear some blasted noise!!! 005Now we gonna hear some blasted noise!!! 006Now we gonna hear some blasted noise!!! 002

Family August 08 001Family August 08 003Family August 08 004Family August 08 007Family August 08 009Family August 08 010Family August 08 011Family August 08 012Family August 08 014Family August 08 016Family August 08 019Family August 08 020Family August 08 021Family August 08 022Family August 08 025Family August 08 027Family August 08 028Family August 08 029Family August 08 032Family August 08 034Family August 08 035Family August 08 037Family August 08 039Family August 08 040Family August 08 041Family August 08 043Family August 08 044Family August 08 045Family August 08 046Family August 08 049Family August 08 050Family August 08 052Family August 08 053Family August 08 054Family August 08 055Family August 08 056Family August 08 057Family August 08 059Family August 08 060Family August 08 063Family August 08 065Family August 08 067Family August 08 068Family August 08 069Family August 08 071Family August 08 074Family August 08 075Family August 08 077Family August 08 079Family August 08 080Family August 08 081Family August 08 082Family August 08 084Family August 08 087Family August 08 089Family August 08 090Family August 08 091Family August 08 093

My mind being judgemental

In conflict with my heart

I look upon others

And don’t allow them to start

Approachable in retreat

Confrontational in initial greet

No need to look

For acts not being discreet

Acceptance or not

Of the individuals we meet



Regretful interruptions to moments in time

Reflective practices minds eye clearly define

Silent moments among daily confusions

Differing days full of notions of elusions

Allowing of others for those constant intrusions

Interruptions of time and space

Social animals with all airs and grace



Returned to a place not known before

Represented by facts not known for sure

Accepted by things that are removed

Examined in hindsight of things yet to prove



Delightfully peaceful and tranquil times

Ignorance to person’s places and crimes

Reclusive exclusive pastures so neat

Acceptance denial of personas we meet

Such is a life fit only for some

How many do strive struggle and shun

Just to claim credence and justify means

 To watch us go by as if behind screens



That fleeting time that second that did pass

Not sure of how but somewhere surpassed

All things known for a while

Changes in conception and mental style

Brought into reality with a cringing smile

Looked and remembered with eyes of denial

Daily interactions with robotic commands

Fronted rejected with an emotionless stare

Shaken to the base of all things conceived

Not known where to go or what to believe

Creeping doubt to cleanse the soul

Rest the heart in darkness of days



Dreams achieved have lost all glory

Looked upon in the past

They represent merely a story

Of things achieved and overcome

Filled with love hate sadness

And notions of having fun

Now merely there for us to reflect

A constant reminder of not to forget

The times we came close to letting go

Hanging by nails with all to show

Of times not missed amid tears of joy



Spaces created for dreams to come true

Finding accepting compromised

What really is you

Knowledge of others we sometimes meet

Avoidance consideration of things so discreet

Rearranging those things that we like

Reliving keeping those things of the night

Finding experiences that motivate the mind

Balanced consideration of disappointed times

When hearts are broken

Joys of the heart

Happiness of the mind

Acceptance embracing those

Treasures so hard to find


Worlds once known

Reflected in the Childs eye

Once again in that

Place where all can really fly


Realization of those facts

That be

Memories of life have both

Happy and sad times you see




Harsh words spoken

Feelings so unkind

Reflective realization

Of same places differing times


Harsh words spoken

Once hidden in the mind

Escape release of pressure

Ill defined


Harsh words spoken

In defense to cover escape

Blame justification of one’s

Own emotional state


Harsh words spoken

Dragged out from deep within

Stop consider where it is

That we all of us have been




Acceptance of the knowledge

That we have all been here before


Look listen and consider

Is there a line here we need to draw

New directions emerging

Of places hard to see

Compromise one’s stances

Or a chance there will never be


Build upon experience

In order to call this home


Avoidance of dark reflections

That want us all alone




Mediating minds for

Places to rest the soul

Balancing decisions

Objectively trying to

Stay hole


Consider if you can

What’s needed to survive

 Look past over and beyond

Mere instincts to stay alive


Find one’s own direction

And take comfort in

The fact

Hold fast to your decisions

And try never to look back




When hearts are broken

All reasoning is blind

Life looses meaning

And gods become unkind


When hearts are broken

Sanity takes a rest

Life then ruled by madness

And the demons do the



When hearts are broken

And there is nowhere

To hide

The mind plays tricks

And only to devils

Do we confide


When hearts are broken

Trapped in confusion

Reflections of time

Describe decipher to clarify mind

Slow things fast things

Both bringing the same

Knowledge wisdom the

Chance to make gain

Trapped in confusion

Trying to clarify mind

Recognition of those traits

Unmistakably mine

Footprints left in the

Passages of time

Observe accept those

Boot marks are mine



Acceptance denial of how things are

Measure detract evaluate how far

Ideas of influences of how things should be

Tested reflected numbered like branches on a tree

Horizons watched reactions observed

Glowing sunlight and the singing of birds

Nature observed from differing views

Lines clearly drawn defining me from you



 Remains of times and places passed

Examination of then and what did last

Realization of now and what was then

Comfortable with thoughts of never again

Cross roads lost and covered in dust

Acceptance of things both found and lost

Perspectives changed of who we are

Distant things no longer seem so far



I cannot help you to be your self

For I am only me

I cannot help you to be your self

But this you cannot see

I cannot help you to be your self

For I know not who you are

I cannot help you to be your self

For I believe you cannot see

I cannot help you to be your self

When you don’t see what is me



I am not sure where to begin

Was my leaving really such a sin

Things I saw that gave concern

Now only observed by a heart that does yearn

What could I have done to change minds eye

I look I wonder and sometimes cry

How could it be in this life of mine

To move to have grown somehow seems a crime

Those forsaken and left behind

I don’t want to see so please don’t remind



Life’s harsh lessons with so much to learn

I observe make comment and my heart does yearn

Not for the past things left behind

But to visit and observe and somehow discern

Not what I missed or lost in the past

But to wonder in amazement that my stance did so last

I have to ask did I do right by thee

I’m alright Jack but your life I did not see

Now eyes open in the passage of time

To stay and assist would have been such a crime



I fight back the tears so wanting to cry

I look I wonder and have to ask why

So many lessons so hard to have learned

My heart is broken so filled with concern

Don’t want to be right with hindsight in mind

Distressed and upset with these things I did find

Loved ones forsaken for the want of just things

All I see is the heartache these bring

There but for the grace of the lord

Lives full of anguish that could have been mine


I came I saw I conquered

Not knowing these things I do

At the time I looked at us

Also at me and you

Knowing only that I did not want

A life full of heartache and pain

I look I wonder and consider

How did I avoid such pain

Now that time has forsaken

Those things so deed in your heart

I stand by my original decision

I did right not to give you my heart



I don’t want to be right

I look in your eyes and

See pain deep within

I know from whence it came

And with you this I did not begin

I don’t want to be right

I look and your heart is broken

I have to consider these facts

Had we stayed together my

Sanity I would now lack

I don’t want to be right

For the children’s sake

Why could I have not been


I look in their eyes and

Feel the love forsaken

I don’t want to be right



I hold you I caress you

With all of my heart

I close my eyes with expectations

And awake to find us apart

I spend my days getting close to you

Wondering what the night will bring

Time now passed and evening draws near

Oh how my heart does sing

I hold you I caress you

With all of my heart

I close my eyes with expectations

Only to awake and find us apart

Never letting go-o-o-o-o-o…

Safe as shit!!! Found the tune lyrics thanks to Just have to track down the tune now init. Might even have to go out and buy this one tomoz as it’s a bad man tunes dem init gonna blow a speaker tomoz blasting this one init, gives me goose bumps from back in the day pmsl. But still like so many tunes that I hear nowa days there is something from the past 30 years of music hiding in there somewhere and I like to track down the originals and listen to them in there glory. Thanks to ghetto monkey for the movie “Juice” wid ma man Tupac init. Much love Cinders as you know I’m of fan of anything Pac!!!

Never letting go-o-o-o-o-o…


What is it about drinking that I don’t get? That desire to be pissed and act like someone you are not, I really don’t get it. I’m not saying that I have never been pissed lol but since the age of 19 I have only been truly legless at the birth of each of the kids init. When Noddy was born I remember crawling out of the 8th floor lift and just about managing to tap on the bottom of the door before I was let in for one of those spinning nights chatting on the big phone (toilet to you lay peeps who know nothing before mobile init pmsl). But I watch and listen in amazement to those piss heads who don’t feel the cold and are ready to take on the world. Such entertainment for the masses that I almost feel like I am missing out on something (not!). The question arises out of this weekends experiences and observations. I hate walking the dog at the weekends as those peaceful walks are disturbed by shouting groups, broken bottles and food thrown all over the park and high street and thus I have to change my route to avoid such things. I saw and somewhat understood the fascination when I was younger, but now it’s like wtf, thanks but no thanks that’s not my idea of fun. Yes have a drink by all means, I’m partial to half a bottle of brandy or ja white rum when I meet up with my older boys, friends or family. But hay that is not like every weekend, or month come to think of it but enjoyable when it does happen. I have missed something there I think and am waiting for an explanation from someone when they are sober as those intoxicated seem repetitive and unable to listen or respond adequately. So you drinkers come give me an insight init as I need educating!!!


Some time ago Malachi was threatened to be lased with a dog lead and Simba was kicked and hit several times by the owner of some husky. I met this guy today and after tying up Simba I walked up to him and told him to keep his hands feet and threats to himself or I would choose to get involved. The fool only went and followed me to where Simba was tied up init. When I untied Simba he could not resist the urge to run over and sniffed this dog. The man kicked him and hit him several times over the head with one of those retractable walking things. By the time I ran over there he was raising up his hand to do it again. I got as far as don’t you dare when he was raising the thing for another hit. I flicked out Simba’s lead and caught the guy on the arm just in time to stop him. I got hold of Simba and walked him off by the collar. Pmsl the guy got straight on the phone and started following us. I waited several times for him to catch up but he would just stop and look in the opposite direction like some lunatic. I shouted out to him at least twice that if he wanted me to wait for him I would, no response init. Lets see what will be init as this one has been some time in the making. I knew I would bump in to him sooner or later as Malachi tells me that he sees the guy all the time and if he is not giving him evils he’s cussing about the dog. Spoken to a few other dog owners local to this end of town and they say that they have had the same trouble with this guy in the past too init, both him and his girl seem to like bashing other peoples dogs, which is not surprising as their dog seems seriously aggressive and if it is constantly barking out challenges to others it’s gonna get met init. Stay on the level you know I say pmsl…..


Meant to be in Colchester right now init. Done made my arrangements them from time, but with a meeting at the council housing on Monday, expected recorded delivery from the solicitors by Wednesday and court with the police shit on Friday I am stuck a little longer than expected. Not too happy wid all this distraction and last minute meeting shit but hay.


I chatted wid one of two of my pen-pals today. Does that term still carry weight even though correspondence is via-email? Anyways they was going on about my blogs and shit an about how reflective they are of emotions, persona and personal stuff that they would not feel comfortable wid discussing let alone putting in the public domain!! Fear of judgemental repercussions and the such like and the feeling of vulnerability. I say to that that peeps are judgemental from they first catch sight of you and I would feel comfortable walking round the streets naked, more so than in a suit pmsl, so who gives a fuck init live a little and be your self where ever and when ever the mood takes you!!!


Anyone know that tune “never gonna let you go co’s you’re my baby?” someone reminded me of it the other day and I would really like to get hold of a copy init!!





Mind wide open eyes closed shut

Educated cave man without mud hut

Displaced soul in conditions extreme

Realisation from distant dreams did I come

From foreign places remembered in song

Bring back souvenir a chief and his son

Is this the time to redefine move relocate

Reclaim what is mine


Quiet silence the absence of noise

Pushing shoving avoidance of toys

Summer time joys of stressful bliss

Conditions in flux kids taking the piss

Argue fight over things you don’t want


Implosion explosion of energy to waste

Not knowing or caring for whence came such haste

Need to run with no where to go

So much has been achieved with so little to show

Toing and throughing of body and mind

Looking searching not knowing what to find

Constant agenda of things once discussed

Lies and decent now covered in dust

Issues resolved without concern

Lessons once good have somehow been learned

Time for a change but given no choice

Poor little bird lost such lovely a voice

Ordeals endured for the sake of just one

Consider such plight was anything but fun

Tested, stretched to heights now anew

Changed manipulated but what can we do


My mind is all over the dam place and once again I have reached the point of implosion!!! Release is needed for body and mind, searched looked but this did not find. Trying to think in a void without reason, not sure of the day week month or season


Really need to lock of for a while init!!! Got me msn down to 37 bodies!! Have come off every site I can find except this one. Been years of meeting messers and what nots. Still have met some really safe peeps too but enough is enough init!!!


Gonna run this one like my diary come mind clearance space for a while see how it goes init!!!


I have found a void insider of me

Was it already there

Was it that I did not see

Such a space reserved for one

Images dispelled of those seeking fun

Not deterred by those deceitful in mind

For a look in this space for them is denied

Strange what others bring out in me

Hidden places strength surprisingly

To cope and manage with things they do

To find and consider what is really true

And so it is that I ponder at night

What is good and worth such a fight

When I awaken I plainly do see

That what is worth it is really me

Try as I will to improve each day

You look you wonder and then you say

How can it be that you act like this

My only reply is this is my bliss

To move from here and find on my path

Those things that motivate those things that last

And so it is that I arise each day

Push back my shoulders and gladly say

Today’s the day for forging ahead

Built upon experience and the living dead

Motivation being so hard to find

I look to the self and am redefined

For I’m not the same as yesterday

Buried that fool the other day

And now I’m free to carry on

Looking further to change this song!!!clip_image002

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