Archive for September, 2008

Upon request!!!

Isaiah asked me to give him or find him a poem or two on family!!! Found it really hard to write, could not imagine the perspective of an 11 year old. Gonna do some more but waiting for a list of words that he wants to see in them!!!


Family, that unit as apposed to friends

Not picked for looks or upon love depends

Accepted for all the differences that we have

Those that love us, and from whom we are glad

To receive their hugs, and warm embrace

Unconditional is their love always there just in case

Not one of them like us in physical being

Those ties and bonds we have, are never seen

Never more than a phone call or email away

Surprised as we are when we hear them say

We love you now for every and a day

Because we are family and will always be this way



There’s me and my mother

My bothers and dad

Up until last month

There was Nan and granddad

Somewhere in London is

Derek and mutti

Uncle Lloyd’s in Peterbourgh

I don’t often see

He’s got two kids my cousins

Around the same age as me

I have three nephews

Not much younger than me

I’m the youngest of five

For I’m only 11 you see

I also have an uncle and aunt

Somewhere in Germany



Things that we learn

From our mum’s and dad’s

How to be happy and how to be sad

Watching our brothers and sisters do things

Sometimes to gladness or sorry do bring

Always there with us even when alone

Familiar faces in that place we call home

Recognised faces and voices we know

A hand to hold as to places we go

Known for always or so it would seem

Sometimes even of them do I dream

My family diverse and so strange

My family I love and nothing would I change






Being the youngest of five

I often ask

Why me

Who put me as last

Dom’s the eldest and boy can he eat

Then comes Noddy who is quiet unique

Kevin comes next with his new baby boy

After that there’s Malachi followed by I

I live with my mum

And visit my dad

I have two homes

And honestly it’s not bad

Summers away

Weekends down the beach

My nephews come round

And new things to teach

How to wind up mum

And get his own way

Teach him a few funny things to say

Other than my mum

There are no girls

So when we all get together

You can get in a word

Some like to cycle

Others like to skate

We all have in common

Computers games which is great

Dad plays loud music

Which mum says she hates

Dad’s not a Muslim

But bacon won’t take

That’s my family

Not much left to say

But I love them all

Each and every day

My only solace is music and good company. Sometimes people make time for you and sometimes they are the right kind of people, non taxing, non demanding and considerate. At times m/we are perceptive of such people and enjoy their company. Nice one Shazza. Having had so many cussings of late about my disappearing act’s what can I say other than death seems such an easy state of being!!!!


1.     I have a solicitor who gives new meaning to slow and concerns me when she asks for my advice after already receiving funding and nearly missing two deadlines and in fact already done an missed one (just shaking my head ffs!!!)

2.     Deeply concerned over the fact that as predicted the council applied to move the case to a local court ffs!!! After I raised my objections it was stated that it should not have been moved due to jurisdiction but that did not stop a judge from making an interim judgement which I have to now apply to have put aside and have the case sent back to Nottingham…. (if I shake my head much more it just might drop off)

3.     Every thing I am involved in is at the final stage of appeal or on the way to judicial review panel…………

4.     when judges over step their authority and say so what, council members don’t respond and say so what, educators don’t educate and say so what….. what can I say!!!!

5.     It’s getting dark!!!

6.     Malachi got excluded from the “special” school, they state they are unable to cope with his difficulties….. dare I say so what???

7.     It is not fun to be right more disappointing than anything else. It would be nice to be wrong for once…….




I told you who I was

You told me you knew

You came with something


Made me pay interest in you

But actions speaking loudly

I see those things you do

And sometimes I wonder

Are you expressions

Really from you

Not to be mistaken

Presentation of mind

But what of such use

If in person this

Can not be defined

Intellectually liking

Of something thus found

I have stated my being

And thus stand my ground


I saw you in the distance

Watching me

Made me look over my shoulder

Could not see

I stumbled because of you

Making me loose my stance

Looking wondering

You were upon me in a glance

Choked with shadow

Not able to breath

Your voice seeping within me

Treacle without substance

I was watching you waiting

For your fall

Your notice of me was

A never ending call

You knew I was there looking

For a chance

Looking to hold the one who

Caught my glance

I have you

You have fallen

Now all will be right

For you like me

Will now hide from the light





I hold my head in shame

There is nothing new

In this life to gain

Nothing I have leaned

Is new

Old conceptions when discussed

With you

Am I so weak as to ignore

Such facts for sure

That all was known now

Looking back

What difference have I made

Veiled by elusion

Or my own escapade

Where did I help

In this struggle with time

My path so similar

Being hard to define

From those I was fighting

With consciousness of mind

Blame and bewilderment

Of the longevity of such crime



I smile in naivety

Happy in my hole

Knowing how disgruntled

From those that I stole

Peace of mind and a place

To sleep

No wonder such disruption

With the I being unique



I tell my heart to

Cry quietly

For fear of effect

Should the mind find out

What would be the effect

Of body not knowing

And that feeling of unsure

Of limits so tired

Movement would be no more

Of a spirit once broken

With cracks running deep

So frail conditions should

Not survive the meet

Of knowledge and truth

That all has gone on

Despite the fact we knew

It was wrong



Such are the nights

When sleep does evade

Those fears and truths

Upon the mind do cascade

Gone are distractions

Of the bustle of the day

Out are the cleaners

To wash away our day

Hours of intrusion of

Which we are aware

But someone gets paid

Regardless if it’s fair

We do what we do for

Fear of the known

Play our part and rush

Of home

Come out in our safety

Of reasonable hours

Secure in the fact that we

Are looked upon by powers

That intervene when things go

Wrong unless it’s us and

Then how so strong

Nor for the fact that we

Transgress so deep but

Aware of the fact that we

Are not unique but know

In our mind that people

Are people all over we find

And our job was for repression

All combined changed perception

Of those we did meet aware

That to some they were no more

Than mere meat lost in a

World of educated minds

Tricked trapped with words

Did we so bind



I drowned in my sorrow

Of a life gone to waste

Of love and illusions

Lost in times of haste


I drowned in my sorrow

As the world went by

Cried such sadness

As birds fell from the sky


I drowned in my sorrow

And consoled I could not be

For I drowned in my sorrow

For the ignorance that was me



Distant thunder

Warnings of the night

Playing with imaginations

Fears hoping to ignite

Lost inspirations

Replaced by blinding light

Gone is significance

Of who is wrong or right

Seen is the darkness

That was always there

Striped of illusions and

Seemingly bare

Known was the foundation

Now accepted as fact

No room for despair

Or chance to turn back

Seeking a space to look

And reflect such a fact

What was it I lost

I somehow forget

How did I get here

And where was it from

Distant memories of

The road that was long

Move on forward and

Close one’s mind

Hoping wishing that upon

Stumbling those answers

I will find



Sometimes I love him

With all of my heart

Sharing such emotions

Regardless of distance


At others I hate him

With a darkness so complete

Not new or unique

Unsure in knowledge or

Things innate

Not known difference

Between deliberate or mistake

Nurse motivations

Drifting with tide

Exposed examined in the

Dawns early light

Never ending seconds

Lost in so many years

Mixed bag of emotions

Love mixed in with fears

Different direction from

Those of before

Uneven ground

Stand still or jump

Just not sure

Did you feel the movement

Of body and mind

Looking with wonder

At these new things

I find


I dreamed a dream of

Us last night

Stood shoulder to shoulder

As the world we did fight

Forced to say words

Longed to hear

Looked and recognised those

Actions of fear

Know where I stand

And the things that

I do

No longer distinctions

Of me and you

Vibrant emotions

I travelling time

Reflected neglected

Cascaded from the mind

Darkness now fallen

No longer a light

Known endings that

Have now there own right

Lost in illusions of

Possible cause

This not being my path

But reflections of yours



Aware of emotions

In distance and time

Viewed in clarity by

The questioning of

The mind

Seen in seclusion of

The act or the scene

What is it that my mind

Does scream

Pay attention with those

Signs words of emotions

Are for the eyes trying to blind

No sense of consistency

No rational support

Cold and calculated

Written like a report

Right on cue to come to

Your aid like a second

Defence when mistakes

They were made

Bodily movements with

Robotic control known

Destinations with no concept

Of to roam

Have you thanked someone

Have you thanked someone

For your childhood

For allowing you to be you


Have you thanked someone

For those expressions now

Part of all you do


Have you thanked someone

For teenage years filled

With joy and growth


Have you thanked someone

For loving you

And helping you grow strong


Go on thank someone

For showing you

Not all you do is




My addiction to love

Life and good things

Sometimes does sorrow

And sadness it brings


But surely as heart

And mind doest both know

Without such addictions

To fight would not show


Thus far sustained me

To a place I must be

There is in my mind

All addictions to flee


For the want of a place

Only open to mind

Known to exist once

Body left behind


Not wishing for death

But a new place to go

Destined to express more

Than the physical can show


And so it is that to continue

As me

I must put in practice

What the minds eye

Can see


And so it is with

Hand over heart

I look to the future

Where dreams they

Did start


Of wanting to be

Different in a certain

Place and time

And living the life

That that dream defined


Time that broken elusion

Is now truly mine to command

Crate that feeling of motion

But here I really stand

Observant in my seclusion

And passing among those

So grand

Stuck in such confusion

Should I extend a hand

Feelings of emotion disturb

The peace of mind

Looking for lost chances

Hoping praying to find



I sometimes not often, look at what I

Have thought and think why bother

What is the motivation that pushes

Me ever forward always questions

Waiting for answers so as to question

Expressively the journey has been good

I say that as if there is an ending a

Culmination of things and it is as I feel

Something is over and something else

Has begun


A circle of elusion

In never ending time

Trying to find a beginning

Looking to define

Restricted by fore knowledge

Clouded by dispare

Open closed evaluated

But hell none seem to


Walking in dark places

In avoidance of the light

Carry on dark happy

To continually fight

But how the haze has fallen

Only to reveal

Confused bemused distracted

Those fuckers my soul

Did try to steal


Will I allow my self

To be happy

Will I ever be



How to get of this path

Of destruction being

Hell bent


Will I accept these

New conceptions of

This person I seem to be


A return to founding


Of how they used to see


Not wanting repercussions

Of those things that did

Not last


Staying true to the self

And doing things in contrast


A pure and true reflection

Of things that have been



An acceptance of denial

And what life has in store


Sometimes they watch me

To see what I do

At others its merely to

Know if its true


Not that I do things to

Disturb such a life

Purely observational

And expectant of strife

Questions do some more

Than one at a time

Would you could you

Commit any crime


Defined as it is as in

Going it alone

Against the odds so

Open so prone


You can see the fear

Beneath grime layered

By time but so clear

To find


Protocol based upon

Law and fact

Members for life

With no looking back


With us or against us

Your decision was made

So long ago in the distance

It did fade



Not to be questioned

Or taken apart

Devoid of emotion with

Longevity at heart


Such is an enemy with

Concepts of time thus

Sacrifice of any is

Really no crime


Survival being the only


Thus wood to the fire is

The likes of you and me


Don’t awaken those who


For to see such stains they

Would only scream


None want a marter to

Change up their life

Merely a husband child

Or wife

And so it is that we must

Go on

For when was a revolution ever

Won by song


If these be the last days

As we are often told

Where are the brave

Conscious an bold


Look and don’t see them

Hear and don’t feel them

Is this how things were

Destined to be


The world coming to an

End and we are here to see

Who could have told us of

These things to be


I say something like it

Once on TV

A movie about a man with



And how the world saw

It and tore him apart

Not just to kill him but

Rid us of fears


For were he right would

We not drown in tears

Taken to our graves

With this surely fact

That this world could

Have changed all we

Need to is act



How do you sum up a life time in words

And why would you want to unless to draw

A line and start something else anew

How often do we have the chance to do things


So may do not survive the first encounter

And withdraw to shadow never to be seen again

Change maturity commitment responsibility

Merely aggravating characteristics of the

Developing self necessary for others to

predict and explain the behaviour of some

whom they do not understand

things would be so simple were only

I deranged or mad or suffering with

Something diagnosable thus is there

Is no medication for realisation of the

Acceptance and naivety of the world

Of man

We are destined to deceive our selves

And believing in our own grandeur

After al have we not written history

If we are not able to fix it we son will

But in the mean time you are held

Accountable for your addictions to

The commodities available and as

Such if you can not read the signs

Stay in doors as there is a storm


My mind all caught in confusion

Not knowing which way to go

Looking feeling with mind and soul

Lost and alone not sure of things

That used to be so solid in the midst

Of all things that have changed

Not sure of the reason but life now

Rearranged to an order I do not know

Searching seeking for that direction

I did know as if it was written on my

Soul for the whole world to see

Now blinded obscured by something

I did not see coming and gave it no

Name for none has been spoken

There are none to tell the tail of how

It came to end their lives to deceive

Those lovers, children and wives of

Those no longer with us or in our

Hearts having being devoured and

Taken apart till nothing was left

But a mind caught in confusion

Looking for another direction to find

Bringing to life new contemplation

Of how things have been and where

They should go, for all those directions

There is no one that knows of those

Things yet to come after the guessing

Games that we play dictate our lives

Being the one to blind and confine the

Minds eye now clouded as if it were blinded

So here I stand not knowing the direction

From whence it will come swiftly

For my life to be undone

Only to remain are those memories

That have been made in life love

And the continuing charade of what this is



Don’t turn off the light

Don’t leave me alone

For at such times from body

Does my mind roam


Removed from restrictions

Of the physical kind

Gone are such notions

Of being confined


Allowed to roam free

And make new concepts

Examined expanded and

Able to reflect


On what it was that held

It back

And how supported by both

Figures and fact


Now out of place

In this freedom defined

Those things have no substance

And thus cast behind



I watch you from a distance

Not sure of those things we say
equations come and go mere games to play

Imagination of no use in this time of real

Thoughts emotions so unable to conceal

Heart and throat exposed for the kiss of a blade

I stand so alone and defenceless as

I watch you from a distance



My mind being uncertain

Of the things I know

I look I wonder what

Direction to go


Recognised are concepts

Of what has been

Things caught in the eye

And related to dreams


Sure only of one thing

In this life that does last

That to get here I surely

Must have a past


Not seeing history as it is

Being made

I hide from the sun

Mere shadow in the shade


Thus I am feeling

The difference in you

For with out such contrast

What is it I do


Reflective minds eye

On those that I see

Only to observe that

They are not me



Autumn leave fall

The there race with

The rain


Farmers count sheep

And asses what’s to gain


Footprints was away

In the stream to the sea

Such minor intrusions

Now appear so clean



I open one eye

To locate that song

Was it for real

Or that dream

Now long gone

Close it quickly

Before the world

It does see

Hold still now

An hour more

For me there

Could be



Paced to perfection

Speed direction do see

Eyes down front

Please don’t look at me

Let me pass quickly

And don’t catch my eye

Ask the right question

And see tears in my eye

Leave me alone as

I search for soul food

For to be disrupted I

Could just turn so rude

Impatiently seeking in

That place in mind

Up near the farm such

Peace do I find

Allowing for those moments

Or charm when all is as

One and from thence comes

No harm



Mild satisfaction

For the passing of days

Looked upon in the light

Of ever changing ways

Some remain constant

So learn to accept

That the growth of self

Is nothing to regret

Caught in confusion

Of another place and time

Learn to let go

Or perpetuate the crime

Of non understanding

And neglectful concern

Step forward accept and

Be ready to learn

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